Death Ride For Dixie Bride

Death Ride For Dixie Bride

Shark Infested Waters doesn’t photograph too many weddings. That’s because generally we’d rather die in a fireball. There’s something creepy and sacrificial about most weddings that makes us a little uncomfortable. It’s no coincidence that most Royal Weddings occur in times of deep international aggression and serve to distract the population from the sinister forces of armageddon. Look! A bride! Awwwwww…

Years ago I knew a girl in Bromley. Everybody thought that she was as timid as a moth. Gill had long red hair and worked for Barclays Bank. She planned and paid for her wedding using her father’s credit card. She organised the grand event down to the last little detail. She organised the church, the choir, the flowers, the photography, the food … no tiny token was left unforgotten. The only detail that Gill forget to organise was the small matter of an actual human fiancé. Her family immediately sectioned Gill into Farnborough Hospital. One night, however, she managed to break out and walk barefoot through South London in her wedding dress to London Bridge where she promptly jumped into the abyss. All of which would be a tragic story if Gill had not landed on a sand barge chugging downstream. Gill ended up in Canvey Island with no more than a few bruises and a dented tiara. It’s always the quiet ones.   Read More